It’s interesting to sit in my studio @ 12h24.. the day of the ‘meet the artist’ @ global gallery.. feeling sure I can no longer paint.. wondering where I am; who I am as I reach this milestone… it is interesting because it is necessary… when I feel like this I can’t paint; I must paint.. and I did paint.. two paintings.. once a direct response to the studio.. the second.. a self portrait.. both fast sketches in acrylic.. mostly felt like I was putting mud on the canvas.. sometimes that is necessary… the paintings are honest.. frightened and unfinished… where I am right now.. glory be to this moment of arrival.. it is just another thing to step back from.. look down onto and know it is real.. and part of what I am as a painter.. it is a beautiful opportunity to dive into this unique feeling and paint it… its ugliness and desperation are beautiful and must grace the canvas in all its rawness… Rawness is what the honest naked canvas seeks.. it is
the other side
it is scary; breakfree.. true and pure..
if I am going to express all of this.. then I have to be prepared for all of it… it is beautiful to be feeling this.. and then have the power and honesty to say it as uncomfortable as it may be.. the whole feeling.. the peripheral numbness.. the strangeness of the whole day..
night time Nadjia
the loneliness of the studio write paint.. sitting through it.. in it.. embracing the pain.. holding it.. surrendering to it.. letting it teach me its lesson.. it is a teacher if you
be.. not a consumer.. it eats you if you
But I smile at it and thank it for paying its necessary visit.. It is there in the range of things I am to feel..
I let it